Tjoei's passing

Spring Cleaning

2010-08-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

I know its not spring and all. And its totally the wrong month, but I just spent the whole weekend clearing out stuff out and revamp my room. Know I need posters, paintings and some nice little decor and my room is ready to show the world.

This is my happy blog

2010-08-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

This is my happy blog. And no one gonna tell me likewise!

June 2010

2010-06-04T00:44:00.000-07:00

Been a while since I got on to this shit. Let's see what's new.

New job.
Got myself a tiny car.
And finish my marathon. One thing left on my to do list.
Next stop. 84km. A trip to Tibet.

Exchange Policy

2010-01-23T20:40:00.000-08:00

Customer: Hi, if the size is not right, can I exchange within how many days?
Me: Sure. 7 days.
Customer: If I come back tomorrow. Can I exchange?
Me: No madam. Only on the 7 day. #%&*

Memoirs of a really boring person

2010-01-19T03:37:00.001-08:00

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.........Sigh

24th March

2009-03-24T01:38:00.000-07:00

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. - Alfred Lord Tennyson

Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there. - Otomo No Yakamochi

I asked many. Which do you like better? They all tell me the first one. I choose the second. I will be hurted. So why bother? Time will heal. Maybe. But maybe the hurt will leave u crippled. But really. How many walk the talk?

Loneliness is a state of mind

2009-03-17T09:23:00.000-07:00

You missed what you have lost, and never treasure what you already have. Do you miss the emotional comfort? Or the physical closeness? Do you seek freedom? Room to run free? Or a guide in life? Or perhaps someone who is willing to walk this life with you? Is that what people call knowing what you want in life? Is process of achieving goals is happiness? Or attaining them is happiness?

Questions... but often there are no answers. I asked this questions to many. And I have many different answers. And each answers I got, brings me more questions. This answers I got, makes me think in many different angles.

Puzzled. Perhaps confused. Perhaps lost in my own mind. This questions, do they open doors for me? Or do they close them on me?

Perhaps this is what they so call life? To find its meaning to make it beautiful? Or perhaps there is nothing more than life but mere survival. Is it thru our own twisted minds to make things look so complicated?

Perhaps there is only one corridor. One door. Walk thru it. As simple as it sounds. Do not take your head and bang on those so called other "doors". Isn't this called "contentment is happiness"?

I am so called lonely. But am I lonely because I lack physical closeness or emotional understanding? Or simply no one understand that life is "dark".

Merry go round

2008-12-18T08:20:00.000-08:00

We look at a merry-go-round. It brings back lots of memories. Perhaps memories of ones when u were a child. Parents took you to the playground for the first time. Somehow the magical merry go round always attracts you. And when you ride it, the spinning, the music will always put a smile to your face. It always symoblise happiness. Childhood happiness. Perhaps even a fairy tale happiness.

Tatto I want

2008-11-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

Now only thing is..

Should I get it on my wrist or my neck?

Grow old together

2008-11-23T01:40:00.000-08:00

I happen to come arcoss this old couple down at Siglap.

Old man is having difficulty walking. Old lady is helping him thru. And they holding hands walking down the path together.

Some people will finish walking thru their lives together as promised.

Halloween 30th Oct 2008

2008-11-01T21:32:00.000-07:00

Its Halloween.

2008-10-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

我的快樂園

2008-09-12T08:42:00.000-07:00

Tjoei Kok's Passing 2004-2007

2008-09-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

I got called up for NS. I went to BMTC2. Ninja Coy, I met Ah Hong. Ah Hong was a big bad Beng, but we hit it off. His the one who called me Ah Zhui (Tjoei). Thus my friends later all called me Ah Tjoei. I distrubbed my NS as I flunked a module in Poly and got to repeat it. So I went back to school to just clear that one module.

Back at school, I met this girl Stephanie. Stephanie is a beauty queen. Smart, rich and intelligent. All the guys in classed liked her. I was outclass student as I only joined the class for that module. Nah. I'm not in the mood for that story.

My Journal 1997-2004

2008-09-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

And so, I have 6 months on hand. I went to work at John Little Pasir Ris. It was fun for awhile. I was good at the job. Retail sales. I liked working with others. Interacting with people. But my attitude stinks. I have zero respect for my boss. Its no surpise my boss hates me then. Well, in another part I also met this girl called J. She was a nice quiet girl. And so happen there's another chap called B to happen to like him too. Well being a jerk I used to be, I started wooing her as well despite B happens to be a friend. B is your average looking Joe. I have my ways, and I won the girls heart but lose B's friendship. I didnt cared less as I got the girl. Grin. But I never treasured nor cherish her. And we broke off in a month. Not soon, I got fired from my part time job as well. Stating reasons as cutting cost. Didnt bother me as I hated everyone there and school is about to start.

Poly was ok. I started to open up more. Met a few close friends which I have lost over the years. Johnny, William, Shuwei to name a few. We always hung out together. Shooting pools, playing cards getting drunk at clubs. Mambo was the rage then. It was fun. But i didnt do well. I flunked a few modules. I got to meet up with the Secondary girl L I used to flirt with back then. We got closed and started dating. It was my first long commited relationship. And so I struggled thru my studies and got away with my Dip.

My Journal 1979-1997

2008-09-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

It's been 29 years. And I dare to say. No one really knows me. I live behind a shield, a mask, a wall of saracsm. Perhaps to protect myself. Perhaps I'm selfish. The closest to describing by a "close friend" is see his mood. Normally I would have said who cares.

What gets me to write this blog, or journal is perhaps a rough patch I been going thru. All perhaps a desperate attempt to reach out to people. Or perhaps a reminder to the world I was once part of it.

Let's start with the very first day I was born. On September 23rd in 1979. I can't remember anything from infant years. Except I was fat. I was doted upon. But love was short lived. My father passed away when i was hardly 3 or 4. He died of lung cancer. I like to think of my dad as Bruce Lee. He after all was spotted with the same silly hairdo and outrageous glasses. My mum was painted him as a different person. He was a thrill seeker, a playboy and a gambling addict. He lose a semi D and a car. After his passing. Mum had it tough. She bought my brother and me up single handedly. Working as waiteress and cleaner. She never had much time for us nor herself. Making money and saving to provide us the best and she always have the left over. My mum is my hero. She would make up her love to us with toys. My brother was much more sensible never asking for much. But I would always asked for more. My brother had to grow up fast. Acing in studies and double up as a dad figure to me. I never think of him much. Why does he have to bother me. Only now I realise his love and concern for me. But before I dont talk to him much. I was pretty alone in school, at home.

Primary school was a blur to me. I never had any idea what was going on. I only wanted to have fun. During my primary school years, We stayed with my grandma. Grandma was a nice gentle devoted buddisht. She would always walked me to school. And bring lunch to me back in Owen Primary School. I loved the eggs she made. Scrambled eggs with dark soy sauce. I rememebered once, I dropped the lunch box she made. I cried. What you expect? I was a spoit brat. She went home and made another one for me. Touched. Then I transferred to Mee Toh Primary. And we all moved to Hougang Ave 3. Grandma would be always waiting at Hougang Interchange to fetch me home while I took the bus from Rangoon to Hougang. I was bad. I would played catching or whatever till like 3 plus. While she waited at the interchange for me for over 2 hours. Often falling asleep. Come to think of it. Why would I do that? I am that bad. She must have tired out herself then. Mum is still never free. Still working hard and long hours to provide for us. I never done well in Primary School. Made it with 197. Normal Academic. I went to Xinmin. I was a loner. But it was 1992. I was quiet but well behaved. Sec 2 I made it as Class monitor. I met a girl called Jia Hui. She well come in the picture later. Sec 3 was a blur. Sec 4 and 5 was my moments of glory.

As I mentioned. I was a loner. I have very few friends. They are mostly bengs. But they never drag me into their gang groups. So I was just the quiet guy hanging out with them. Often the quiet one. Making sacarstic jokes and giving a hardly card attitude. I wasnt all that bad looking either. Baby face, "cool" and hanging out with bengs. Which in 1990's. They are the "cool" lot.
Well, I attract alot of girls attention. Which I hardy give a damn. But there was 1 girl who was pretty interested in me. I'm gonna leave this part of my life out. Because I hurt her bad. To cut this love story short, We met again in poly. Fell in love, got together. She stick thru me thru all shorts of thick and thin. NS, career choices and lots of life low. But in the end I chose my job and left her. Yes I was a bas****.

Back to my Secondary School, I did ok for my O's. 23 for 6 sub. and 17 for 5 Sub. And made it to poly. Singapore Poly Electronics Enginneering. Its turning 1997.