My Journal 1979-1997

It's been 29 years. And I dare to say. No one really knows me. I live behind a shield, a mask, a wall of saracsm. Perhaps to protect myself. Perhaps I'm selfish. The closest to describing by a "close friend" is see his mood. Normally I would have said who cares.

What gets me to write this blog, or journal is perhaps a rough patch I been going thru. All perhaps a desperate attempt to reach out to people. Or perhaps a reminder to the world I was once part of it.

Let's start with the very first day I was born. On September 23rd in 1979. I can't remember anything from infant years. Except I was fat. I was doted upon. But love was short lived. My father passed away when i was hardly 3 or 4. He died of lung cancer. I like to think of my dad as Bruce Lee. He after all was spotted with the same silly hairdo and outrageous glasses. My mum was painted him as a different person. He was a thrill seeker, a playboy and a gambling addict. He lose a semi D and a car. After his passing. Mum had it tough. She bought my brother and me up single handedly. Working as waiteress and cleaner. She never had much time for us nor herself. Making money and saving to provide us the best and she always have the left over. My mum is my hero. She would make up her love to us with toys. My brother was much more sensible never asking for much. But I would always asked for more. My brother had to grow up fast. Acing in studies and double up as a dad figure to me. I never think of him much. Why does he have to bother me. Only now I realise his love and concern for me. But before I dont talk to him much. I was pretty alone in school, at home.

Primary school was a blur to me. I never had any idea what was going on. I only wanted to have fun. During my primary school years, We stayed with my grandma. Grandma was a nice gentle devoted buddisht. She would always walked me to school. And bring lunch to me back in Owen Primary School. I loved the eggs she made. Scrambled eggs with dark soy sauce. I rememebered once, I dropped the lunch box she made. I cried. What you expect? I was a spoit brat. She went home and made another one for me. Touched. Then I transferred to Mee Toh Primary. And we all moved to Hougang Ave 3. Grandma would be always waiting at Hougang Interchange to fetch me home while I took the bus from Rangoon to Hougang. I was bad. I would played catching or whatever till like 3 plus. While she waited at the interchange for me for over 2 hours. Often falling asleep. Come to think of it. Why would I do that? I am that bad. She must have tired out herself then. Mum is still never free. Still working hard and long hours to provide for us. I never done well in Primary School. Made it with 197. Normal Academic. I went to Xinmin. I was a loner. But it was 1992. I was quiet but well behaved. Sec 2 I made it as Class monitor. I met a girl called Jia Hui. She well come in the picture later. Sec 3 was a blur. Sec 4 and 5 was my moments of glory.

As I mentioned. I was a loner. I have very few friends. They are mostly bengs. But they never drag me into their gang groups. So I was just the quiet guy hanging out with them. Often the quiet one. Making sacarstic jokes and giving a hardly card attitude. I wasnt all that bad looking either. Baby face, "cool" and hanging out with bengs. Which in 1990's. They are the "cool" lot.
Well, I attract alot of girls attention. Which I hardy give a damn. But there was 1 girl who was pretty interested in me. I'm gonna leave this part of my life out. Because I hurt her bad. To cut this love story short, We met again in poly. Fell in love, got together. She stick thru me thru all shorts of thick and thin. NS, career choices and lots of life low. But in the end I chose my job and left her. Yes I was a bas****.

Back to my Secondary School, I did ok for my O's. 23 for 6 sub. and 17 for 5 Sub. And made it to poly. Singapore Poly Electronics Enginneering. Its turning 1997.